TLDR. The Keebler Elves allegedly use industrial factories to bake delicious Keebler cookies, not in an elf tree. They have come to respond completely refuting all of the allegations—”which are unfounded and factually incorrect.”
We are 100% elf tree to cookie. You hate us because we have beards now and you used to like buying our overpriced elf tree cookies. But now elf tree cookie experts say ours are terrible and don’t taste like true elf tree to cookie. So now you feel gypped (which may or may not be a derogatory term). The media is targeting us not for our alleged fraud, but because of our much-criticized AIDS drug-price hikes and over-the-top public persona. Sorry that you liked our elf tree cookies more in 2007 than in later years. Those were fun times, filled with experimentation and constant learning as we honed our craft out of our elf tree.
I for one, Will Williamsburg, was never fooled into buying any over-priced fake elf tree to cookie cookies. I am smarter than dumb people like my friends who have been so stupid to fall for marketing tricks and cute and hilarious elf cartoon commercials.
Correction: December 20, 2015
Because of an editing error, an earlier version of this article misstated the name of the series written by the blogger Scott Craig about Mast Brothers. It was called “What Lies Behind the Beards,’’ not “What Lies Beyond the Beards.” The article also misspelled, in some copies, the surname of the former pharmaceuticals company executive who is charged with securities fraud and to whom some have drawn comparisons on social media. He is Martin Shkreli, not Shrekli. The article also misstated the number of chocolate bars made at Mast Brothers’ North Third Street Shop in Williamsburg. It is 1,500 bars a day, not a year. It also referred imprecisely to the location of the main Mast Brothers factory. While it is adjacent to the Brooklyn Navy Yard, it is not in it.
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